The Idea of Sam’s Love

As a nurse with experience in the NICU, PICU and labor and delivery it was required for me to be trained in what we call ‘bereavement care’. I have worked at 4 hospitals within the state of Louisiana and all have had their own unique programs for bereavement care. As a nurse, I was known for making and doing sentimental things for my patients. It was my mission that whatever my patient was enduring, I was going to make it memorable in the best way I could. My typical phrase to others was ‘they’ll never get this moment back’ and I approached all situations with this attitude, especially bereavement care.

When we lost Sam- the hospital we delivered at provided us with wonderful medical care and genuine compassion. However, the bereavement care was not what I expected. I managed to snap some photos of our beautiful Samuel on my phone prior to our nurse taking him away and doing the ‘bereavement care’. I had this expectation that it would be what I would have done for a patient. But when I got home and saw the contents of my ‘box’ included poor quality foot and handprints,  4 very badly angled photos, and neither his blanket nor clothes were included - I was angry. I was so very angry; in that moment I vowed in fury to make a difference in bereavement care -for Sam. I wanted ALL parents to know what to ask for so no one felt the anger I felt in that moment.

I sat crying to my friend Nancy on my couch about this one afternoon as I showed her my own memory book I had started for Sam. Then she said ‘I want to put these on our wish list for our bereavement care at the hospital’ (referring to the loss books) and that’s really when Sam’s love’s mission came to light in my head.

Not all nurses and not all hospitals treat bereavement care the same. This handout includes a small list of things to allow the parent to advocate for their bereavement care and their baby. No one deserves bad bereavement care; we had roughly 8 hours with Samuel after he was born. That’s it. My ‘box’ I took home is the only physical representation I have that he existed and I want parents to have the knowledge to know they deserve more and they can ask for more.